At the thought of Guild Wars 2 coming out makes me blow chunks in my mouth. I can’t help but to have some leak out of the corner of my mouth. I’ve never been so sick with anger in my life. The way they handle every feature of their game makes the bile in my stomach bubble up like a volcano ready to erupt. I can’t hold it in any longer, I’m about to spew all over this blog… BLAAAAAP CHIGGGA BLAAAAP WAAAAALLLAA BLUUUURGLE!
Servers:
Why can’t they do like everybody else and have servers capped at 2-5 thousand people, locked in to that server forever? No, they have to have a home server that confuses the hell out of people. Letting vagrants roam freely between servers to play with friends. WTF are they thinking? If you have friends they shouldn’t be on a different server. Tell those whiny-ass bitches to come to your server and delete their progress. ArenaNet is just catering to the lazy gamer. “Oh, I’m too important to coordinate a server with my friends so I’ll randomly pull one out of my ass because I can visit them if I choose wrong.”. LAZY BUM!!!
Guilds:
If choosing a server and whoring yourself out to other servers wasn’t enough, you get to join multiple guilds. Whatever happened to guild pride and sticking together as a team, no matter how many guild mates you slap on your ignore list? Opening your legs to every guild is nasty. You won’t catch a disease ridden guild hopper in my guild. ArenaNet is just mocking proud guilds and making them look like elitist jerks. Good move assholes!
UI:
Holy shit where are my icons!?!?! What the hell I’m I going to do with 10 hot keys? I guess they just want us to mash 1 1 1 1 1 1. I thought WoW dumbed MMOs down, welcome to the revolution idiots. It’s just a plain insult at the lack of buttons I can’t push anymore. You expect people to be competitive with only 10 buttons? The ANet team just wanted an excuse to hinder players and UI modders. It’s just a conspiracy to turn MMOs into Esports.
Factionless:
Everybody cries about 2 faction games and how unbalance 1 faction becomes, I don’t see a problem. Everybody knows Alliance in WoW is all the fat kids not picked for dodgeball. We know if you want to be a loser, you pick Alliance. There is an uproar to stop this and have games with 3 factions. That way, all the fat kids can get confused and stop sitting on the same side of the boat making it flip over. The stupid thing ArenaNet thought of was doing away with all factions. Everybody is one big fat family battling the “bad guy” dragons. You know what ANet, you just fucked all the good players by letting tubby on our team. Yeah, lardass can’t even manage 2 buttons let alone 10. They are too busy greasing up the keyboard with pure Crisco oil dripping from their pores. We are all screwed now thanks to ANet’s bright idea.
Conclusion:
The game is going to blow as many chunks as I just did. I don’t see anybody (besides me) pre-purchasing this game. It is broken, dumbed down, and ridiculously fun to play. I’m sorry, but if this is the future of MMOs I’m just going to have to get an Internet connection for my toilet.
/joke off
